Darcie Brown Therapy

Whole Foods for Mental Health: A Beginner's Guide & Recipe List

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 00:49:32 GMT

Why is a therapist talking about food?

In my private practice, I see clients whose symptoms of depression or anxiety are exacerbated by a diet low in protein and essential minerals that impact hormones, gut health, the nervous system, and the brain, all of which in turn contribute to symptoms of anxiety, depression, fatigue, irritability, and frequent mood changes. Food is literally medicine and undoubtedly impacts the way that we think, feel, and behave.

But knowing that food impacts mental health is one thing, and actually knowing where to start without feeling overwhelmed is another. I wanted to simplify it for you and provide simple recipes that are easy to make, most of which I’ve personally have made for my family and we all love.

I personally love to eat, and I need my food to taste good. No one wants to feel like they are dieting in order to eat nourishing food. The goal is not the sacrifice eating good food if we want our bodies and minds to feel good.

The recipe I include are for an omnivorous diet, meaning meat, vegetables, fruits, etc. I am not promoting any specific type of diet. I always want you to listen to your body and make connections for what feels good for you. The term “bio-individuality” means that our bodies differ in terms of how we process foods, so while one person might thrive on eggs, another might have an allergy. Listen to your body.

I specifically include dairy and non-dairy recipes. I personally love dairy not only for the rich taste but also for the nutrient-density. However, recently I had to go dairy free while I work to heal my gut. If you are able to tolerate dairy, great! If you aren’t, then stick with the dairy-free recipes. All of these recipes are gluten-free as it’s common for wheat/gluten to be inflammatory and many people (not everyone!) feel better without it.

Disclaimer: If you have any questions or concerns about your diet and overall nutrient intake, I encourage you to connect with an integrative physician, naturopath, functional medicine doctor, or integrative nutritionist in order to do individual testing and learn more about how you can ensure that your body is getting the nutrients it needs.

Basic Principles of Eating for Health and Mood

Fat from whole foods (versus processed foods) won’t make you fat and doesn’t need to be feared. T he human brain is nearly 60% fat, so in order for it to be working optimally, it needs nutrient-dense fats. These fats include avocado, yogurt, meat, cheese, nuts, seeds, and milk (just to name a few).
We all need protein, including women. It’s a common misconception that women should limit protein to avoid “getting bulky.” But our bodies are literally built on protein, and our skin is 70-80% collagen, the most abundant type of protein in the body. The amount of protein we should be consuming differs for each of us, depending on our size and activity level, so focus less on a certain number of grams of protein and instead make sure to prioritize each meal. Focusing on protein can also increase satiety after meals which can reduce snack cravings in between meals.
Eating enough protein supports healthy blood sugar balance. When our blood sugar is out of whack, we may experience drops in energy levels and mood swings. Regular blood sugar spikes and drops can also lead to diabetes down the road. How to avoid blood sugar swings? Always pair carbs (including fruit!) with protein and/or fat. For example, instead of just eating a banana by itself, add some peanut butter to it. That combination of sugar/carbs and protein will blunt the blood sugar spike.
Avoid sugar (maple syrup and honey are fine in moderation), seed oils (canola oil, sunflower, safflower, soybean, grapeseed oil, etc.), and processed foods as much as possible.
If you don’t recognize certain ingredients in a packaged meal, skip it.
Fats to cook with: coconut oil, tallow (rendered beef fat – I use the brand, Epic), lard (rendered pork fat – I use the brand, Epic), ghee, and butter. Olive oil and avocado are great as well, but best reserved for low to medium heat cooking or using as a dressing.
Check labels for hidden sugar and inflammatory oils (like sunflower, safflower oil, peanut oil, canola oil, rapeseed oil, soybean oil, corn oil, rice bran oil). For example, bacon often contains added sugar and/or sunflower oil and even beans can be canned in oil, so be sure to check every label!
Hydration is essential for the human body to function properly. In order to be adequately hydrated, minerals, in addition to water, need to be replenished. When you are eating a lot of processed foods, you may be consuming excess salt. However, when you switch to a whole foods and minimally processed diet, including salt in your diet is a must. To do this, you can salt your food to taste with sea or pink Himalayan salt as well as consuming electrolytes in your water throughout the day. Be sure the electrolytes have no sugar added. Here are three bands to choose from: Dry Water, Just Ingredients, Needed, ProMix, and Kono Nutrition.
At restaurants, you can ask them what they use as their cooking fat (no pressure though if this feels stressful for you). Most use canola or some kind of vegetable oil because it’s cheaper than butter, ghee, coconut oil, and avocado oil. My favorite swap is to ask them to cook in butter instead of oil because restaurants always have butter on hand. (And I’ve never once been told “no” to this request!)
If it’s within your budget, buy organic, grass-fed, and pasture-raised as much as possible. If you have to pick and choose, check out this list of the Clean 15 and Dirty Dozen . The Clean 15 are the fruits and veggies that have been found to have the least amount of pesticides on them. The Dirty Dozen, as the name suggests, are the ones with the most amount of pesticides found on them and should ideally be purchased organic. Grass-fed beef is fairly easy to find these days in most grocery stores, even places like Costco. Same with pasture-raised eggs. Finding chicken that is pasture-raised is harder and still quite a bit more expensive. If it’s out of reach for you, you can still buy organic chicken, and you can find fresh (not frozen) organic chicken at Costco (among other places).
Simple meals are the best. Healthy eating doesn’t have to be complicated. If you are eating mostly whole and minimally processed foods (with ingredients you recognize), then you are doing amazing. It’s not all or nothing.
Finally, do the best you can, and let the rest go. Worrying about consuming a tiny bit of seed oil or some sugar can raise cortisol in the body and negatively impact the body just as much as the food you’re worried about. Repeat: do your best, and let the rest go.

Recipes

Here are over 150 recipes to get you started. I have personally made many of them, and they are family favorites on repeat in my household.

For some recipes, I include personal notes on how I made the meal and also include specific brand recommendations.
All recipes are gluten-free except if you add sourdough to a meal or buy traditional flour tortillas (which I don’t recommend. Try Siete brand tortillas – cassava or almond flour!)
Dairy-free recipes are noted with (DF)

Seafood

Spicy Salmon Rolls Bowls (DF)
Saucy Garlic Butter Shrimp
Creamy Garlic Butter Tuscan Salmon
Spinach Stuffed Salmon
Creamy Garlic Shrimp with Parmesan
Coconut Curry Salmon (DF)
Citrusy Shrimp and Black Bean Salad (DF)
Honey Mustard Salmon with Potatoes and Broccoli (DF)
Shrimp Fajita Bowl (DF if you omit the cheese)

Beef

Egg Roll in a Bowl (DF)
I often use ground beef (1 lb.) for this recipe instead of chicken but either works!
I use Chosen Avocado mayo for the sauce.
I often don’t have lime on hand so sometimes omit that from the sauce, though it adds a nice tang!
I buy minced ginger from Sprouts. The brand is The Ginger People.
I buy an organic shredded cabbage and carrots mix from Trader Joe’s and organic chopped kale (use about half the bag of the kale). I omit the Brussels sprouts.
Stuffed Pepper Soup (DF)
Panda Express Beef and Broccoli (DF)
Ground Beef Teriyaki Stir Fry (DF)
I prefer ground beef to turkey so that’s what I’d use in this recipe.
Taco Salad
Firecracker Beef Bowl (DF)
Saucy Steak Stir Fry (DF)
Fiesta Taco Bake
I usually make this with ground beef.
Zucchini Lasagna
Beef and Broccoli Stir Fry (DF)
Ground Beef Taco Skillet (DF)
Beef, Kale, and Tahini Bowl (DF)
Creamy Taco Soup
Sloppy Joe Bowls (DF)
Beef and Pumpkin Chili (DF)
Texas-style Brisket (DF)
Broccoli Cheddar Meatballs
recipe calls for ground turkey/chicken, but I use beef.
Mongolian Beef and Broccoli (DF)
I opted for Jovial cassava pasta instead of ramen noodles, so I just cooked the pasta separately and then omitted the extra 2 cups of bone broth. I served with steamed broccoli.
Steak and Grilled Corn Salad (DF if you omit the cheese)
The Easiest Chuck Roast (DF)
Lasagna Soup (DF if you omit the cheese)
Beef and Broccoli Ramen Stir Fry (DF)
Chuck Roast Chili (DF)
Big Mac Taco
Thai Basil Beef Lettuce Wraps (DF)
Hamburger Helper (DF)
I halved the recipe but still used almost all of the 16.9 oz of broth in order for my pasta to fully cook and still create a yummy saucy dish. I used Jovial cassava penne pasta. I also omitted the nutritional yeast due to preference (I don't like to taste at all) and the dish was still very yummy.

Pork

Sausage Balls
Pork Ramen (DF)
Sticky saucy Pork Lettuce Wraps (DF)
Spring pasta with chicken or pork sausage (DF if you eliminate the parmesan cheese and make sure your pesto is dairy free)
I use Jovial cassava pasta.
Orange Pork Stir Fry (DF)
I serve with bone broth rice.
Carnitas Tacos (DF)
Sausage and Zucchini Skillet (DF)
Sausage and Pumpkin Pasta (DF)
I used Beeler’s pork breakfast sausage. You can also use chicken sausage!
I omitted the sage and parsley because I didn’t have them on hand and still loved this recipe.
I used dried rosemary instead of fresh and it worked great.
Spaghetti Squash Carbonara
Braised Pork with Apples and Sauerkraut (DF)
Slow Cooker Taco Chili (DF)
Saucy Orange Pork Stir Fry (DF)

Chicken

One Skillet Sausage, Veggie, and Cauliflower Rice (DF)
I love Aidells chicken and apple sausage which I buy at Costco.
Peanut Chicken Satay Salad Cups (DF)
Skillet Chicken with Mushroom Gravy (DF)
Roasted Cauliflower and Sausage Soup (DF)
Harvest Sheet Pan Dinner (DF)
If butternut squash isn’t in season, I will sub sweet potato.
I buy Aidells chicken and apple sausage at Costco.
Sheet Pan Chicken and Cauliflower Street Taco Bowls (DF)
Chicken Curry (DF)
Fiesta Taco Bake
Curry Chicken Salad (DF)
Thai Chicken and Mango Lettuce Cups (DF)
Balsamic Chicken (DF if you omit the mozzarella on top)
Chicken Tikka Masala (DF)
Ginger Chicken Meatballs with Peanut Sauce (DF)
Greek Chicken Kebabs (DF)
Moroccan Chicken Salad (DF)
Marry Me Chicken Meatballs (DF if you omit the parmesan cheese)
Saucy Pineapple Chicken (DF)
Chicken Enchilada Bake
Marry Me Chicken (DF if you omit the parmesan)
Chicken bacon Greek goddess ranch wraps (DF)
Miso peanut glass noodle stir fry (DF)
Chicken Thighs with mushroom gravy (DF)
Avocado Corn Chicken Salad (DF)
Orange Chicken (DF)
I serve with bone broth rice (organic jasmine rice cooked in chicken bone broth – which I purchase in bulk at Costco – and steamed broccoli.
Peanut Chicken Satay salad (DF)
Southwestern Chopped Chicken salad (DF)
Baked Chicken Tacos (DF)
Sundried tomato chicken meatballs with dairy-free tzatziki (DF)
Chicken parmesan (DF)
I also use this recipe for chicken tenders and dip into BBQ sauce (look for one with no or low sugar!)
Southwestern Chopped Salad (DF)
I added chicken to this which I made in my air fryer by cooking it with a little pork fat and Siete mild taco seasoning. Cooked in 360 in the air fryer for 10 minutes, flipping halfway through.
Bruschetta Caprese Chicken
Red Thai Curry Chicken Noodle Soup (DF if you sub avocado or coconut oil for butter )
One Pot Green Curry Chicken and Rice (DF)
Apple Walnut Chicken Salad (DF)
Fall Harvest Salad (DF)
I didn’t love the crispy rice addition so next time I’d personally make it without. But I’d recommend trying it with the rice and seeing if you love it – we all have different taste preferences.
I also made it with air fried chicken – I marinated the chicken in avocado oil, a little maple syrup, salt, and garlic and then air fried it. So good!
Sausage and Pumpkin Pasta (DF)
I used Beeler’s pork breakfast sausage. You can also use chicken sausage!
I omitted the sage and parsley because I didn’t have them on hand and still loved this recipe.
I used dried rosemary instead of fresh and it worked great.
Loaded Veggie Salsa Verde Chicken Chili (DF)
Honey Glazed Chicken Wings (DF)
Rustic Chicken Soup (DF)
Copycat Sweet Green Harvest Bowl (DF if you omit the cheese)
Grilled Veggies, Potatoes, and Sausage Bowl (DF)
One Pot Ginger Coconut Milk Chicken Bowls (DF)
Honey Ginger Chicken Bowls (DF)
Honey Balsamic Chicken (DF)
Chicken Parmesan
Marry Me Chicken (DF)
Garlic Honey Chicken Drumsticks (DF)
Sundried tomato chicken pasta (DF)
One Pot Chicken Teriyaki (DF)
Butter Chicken (DF)
Honey Soy Chicken (DF; mobile viewing only in IG app)
I use coconut aminos instead of tamari.

Turkey

Turkey Meatballs in Creamy Mushroom Sauce (DF)
I made mine with ground beef and omitted the poultry seasoning and sage. Still turned out delicious!
Turkey Teriyaki Rice Bowl (DF)
Sweet and Sour Meatballs (DF)

Lamb

Lamb Meatballs with Tzatziki Sauce (DF if made with coconut yogurt in the dressing)

Veggies/Sides

Zucchini with Hot Honey and Feta
Corn and Avocado Salad (DF)
Pumpkin Mac and Cheese
Crispy smashed potatoes (DF)
Honey glazed carrots (DF)
Squash with bacon and caramelized shallots (DF)
Southwest Chopped salad (DF)
Fall Harvest Salad (DF)
I didn’t love the crispy rice addition so next time I’d personally make it without. But I’d recommend trying it with the rice and seeing if you love it – we all have different taste preferences.
I also made it with air fried chicken – I marinated the chicken in avocado oil, a little maple syrup, salt, and garlic and then air fried it. So good!
Sweet potato chili (DF)
Butternut squash soup (DF)
Curried butternut squash and carrot soup (DF)

Baked Goods and Snacks

MUFFINS & BREADS

Blueberry Muffins (DF)
Pumpkin Cinnamon Roll Bread (DF)
Double Chocolate Zucchini Blender Bread (DF)
Apple Cinnamon Muffins (DF)
Zucchini Pumpkin Bread (DF)
Flourless Chocolate Muffins (DF)

COOKIES

Chocolate chip cookies (DF)
Chocolate Chunk Tahini Cookies (DF)
Molten Chocolate Brookies (DF)
Peanut Butter Cookies (DF)
Flourless Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge Cookies (DF)
Chocolate Tahini Cookie Skillet (DF)
Soft baked double chocolate chip cookies (DF)

PROTEIN & ENERGY BITES

BROWNIES

Fudgy Chocolate Zucchini Brownies (DF)
2 minute Protein Brownie (DF if you use dairy-free yogurt)
Fudgy Tahini Brownies (DF)
Fudge Brownies (DF)
Nut-free Fudge Brownies (DF)

bars

Chocolate Cookie Dough Bars (DF)
Edible Cookie Dough Bars with Salted Chocolate Ganache (DF)
Reese’s Peanut Butter Bars (DF)
Peanut Butter Bars (DF)
Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Blondies (DF)
Pecan Snickers bars (DF)
Peanut Butter Twix Bars (DF)
Pumpkin Pie Bars (DF)
Twix Bars (DF)
Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Bars (DF; mobile viewing only in IG app)
I use Just Ingredients vanilla bone broth protein powder .
Chocolate tahini snack bars (DF)
I used cashew butter instead of tahini and added 2 scoops of collagen

ICE CREAM

Dairy free vanilla ice cream using the ninja creami (DF; mobile viewing only in IG app)
Strawberry Protein Ice Cream (DF; mobile viewing only on IG app
Strawberry Shortcake Ice cream sandwiches (DF)

popsicles

Yogurt Popsicles (DF if you use coconut yogurt and non-dairy milk)

oATS

Protein Overnight Oats (DF)
Brownie Baked Oatmeal (DF – single serve)

oTHER

Apple Crisp (DF; mobile viewing only in IG app) or another version here
Peppermint Patties (DF)
Chocolate Chia Mousse (DF)

Beverages/Mocktails

Strawberry Lemonade (DF; mobile viewing only on IG)
Wellness Shots (DF)
Ginger Turmeric Shots (DF)
Salted Whipped Honey Coffee (DF if you use DF milk)
Salted Banana Cream Coffee (DF if you use DF milk)

One week of meal planning

I personally like to diversify my protein sources throughout the week, so I’ve done that here as well.

MONDAY

Breakfast: Egg and sausage breakfast tacos
Lunch: Taco Salad
Dinner: Spicy Salmon Rolls Bowls (DF)

TUESDAY

Breakfast: Dippy Tomato Egg Skillet (use organic sourdough for the bread) or Shakshuka
Lunch: Spring pasta with chicken or pork sausage (I use Jovial cassava pasta. DF if you eliminate the parmesan cheese and make sure your pesto is dairy free)
Dinner: Carnitas Tacos (DF)

WEDNESDAY

Breakfast: Mango chia seed pudding (add in protein powder to the chia mixture – either this collagen or this protein powder in the vanilla flavor would be good options)
Lunch: Sausage Balls and Honey glazed carrots (DF)
Dinner: Egg Roll in a Bowl (DF)

THURSDAY

Breakfast: Avocado Egg Salad (DF)
Lunch: Veggie and Sausage Bowl (DF)
Dinner: Mongolian Beef (I opted for Jovial cassava pasta instead of ramen noodles, so I just cooked the pasta separately and then omitted the extra 2 cups of bone broth. I served with steamed broccoli.)

FRIDAY

Breakfast: Yogurt bowl (DF if you use coconut yogurt) I prefer to use this collagen paired with a few drops of vanilla monk fruit or this vanilla protein powder in my yogurt.
Lunch: Stuffed Pepper Soup (DF) Make in the crockpot the night before and easy to heat up the next day for lunch.
Dinner: Lamb Meatballs with Tzatziki Sauce (M, DF if made with coconut yogurt in the dressing)

SATURDAY

Breakfast: Roasted veggie and chorizo breakfast burrito bowl (DF)
Lunch: Chicken salad lettuce wraps or another version here (DF) Primal Kitchen has a great caesar dressing.
Dinner: Beef Fried Rice

SUNDAY

Breakfast: Copycat Starbucks spinach egg wrap – I’d recommend using a Siete burrito tortilla and whole eggs instead of egg whites for full nutrient benefits.
Lunch: Orange Pork Stir Fry (DF) – I serve with bone broth rice.
Dinner: Marry Me Chicken (DF if you omit the parmesan)

How to Feel Emotionally Safe in Your Relationship: 8 Tips

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 00:05:24 GMT

Have you ever kept something from your partner because you were afraid of how they might react? Maybe you were afraid they’d make fun of you, criticize you, or tell you that you shouldn’t feel the way you’re feeling.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. As humans, we want to protect ourselves from hurt and pain, and sometimes that results in reactions that keep us from deepening our relationship with our partner.

But, in order to develop a closer relationship with our partner, we need to do the work to foster emotional safety.

What is emotional safety?

Emotional safety means that partners feel comfortable with being authentic, sharing thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and expressing issues without fear of being put down, shut down, ridiculed, criticized, or told to be, act, or feel different.

Here are 8 ways to enhance emotional safety in your relationship.

Use “I” statements

This is the formula for “I” statements: “I feel” + emotion + when you do x + because + what I need is.

When discussing a relational issue, it’s common for couples to want to start a sentence with “you are…” or “you did…” However, this blaming language will likely put our partner on the defensive.

Using an “I” statement allows us to take responsibility for how we feel and also share the impact of our partner’s behavior, which allows both partners’ experiences to be valid and sends the message that it’s safe to bring up concerns without fear of being invalidated.

Inquire instead of accuse

It’s easy to assume we know what our partner is thinking, but often we actually miss the mark.

Inquiring comes from a place of openness and curiosity, while accusing comes from a place of assumptions and judgment.

When we inquire, we send the message that we are seeking to connect through understanding, while when we accuse, we send the message that we know best which generally results in misunderstanding and disconnection.

The more we inquire instead of accuse, the more likely it is that our partner will feel that it’s safe to open up to us.

It can be helpful to remember this principle: you don’t know what your partner is thinking or feeling unless you ask them and they tell you so.

Avoid absolute language

Couples commonly use absolute language when they’re upset.

Here are some examples:

“You never buy me flowers.”
“You never listen.”
“You always criticize me.”

Absolute language is pretty much never accurate. Humans live on a continuum, and absolute language denies the nuances of being human.

In relationships, absolute language is unproductive because it tends to put us on the defensive.

If you say, “You never buy me flowers,” your partner will likely quickly respond defensively, “I bought you flowers for our anniversary last year!”

Not only does this escalate the conflict, but it doesn’t resolve the initial complaint, which is that she would like to receive flowers more often.

Consider this reframe:“I loved the flowers you gave me for our anniversary last year. It’d mean a lot to me if you’d do that more often.”

It starts with a compliment to gain buy-in from the partner, and then clearly sets out the request.

Some couples are reluctant to be this straightforward because it requires vulnerability to ask for something they want and risk not getting it.

But when both partners work to give this kind of direct feedback, they’re acknowledging that it’s safe to express their wants and needs in the relationship which enhances the couple’s connection.

Listen to understand, not to convince

Couples often fall into the relationship trap of trying to convince the other that their way of thinking is correct. This leads to disconnection in the relationship and feeling like it’s unsafe to share their thoughts.

Instead, when we listen to understand our partner’s perspective, we allow ourselves to become open to the possibility of new ideas and increase our connection with our partners by allowing them to feel heard and understood.

Know and use your self-soothe tools

During difficult conversations, it’s common for us to become emotionally charged, and we can become flooded. If you aren’t familiar with this term, flooded means that we are so overwhelmed by our emotions that they drive the conversation. And when emotions drive, we are much more likely to react impulsively instead of thoughtfully.

When both partners have awareness of their emotional limits and have coping skills to deal with their emotions, each feels safe to bring up issues without fear that their partner won’t be able to emotionally tolerate the conversation.

Give positive feedback through genuine compliments, validation, gratitude, and empathy

Your relationship will improve if you generally live by this rule: for every negative interaction you have with your partner, make sure there are five positive ones.

As a relationship goes on, there’s often a correlating decline in positive feedback. But this aspect of a relationship is essential to maintaining and supporting emotional safety within the relationship.

The more we organically notice and acknowledge the things we appreciate, enjoy, and admire in our partner, the more easily they will be able to tolerate our negative feedback, and vice versa.

Practice grace and compassion with yourself and your partner

This is a fact: Both you and your partner will mess up.

When we accept this and allow ourselves and our partner to be imperfect, we create the space to talk about those mistakes, learn from them, and grow.

Compassion also sends the messages that it’s okay to be as you are and that showing up authentically is welcomed in the relationship. This, in turn, draws a couple closer to each other, knowing that they are fully accepted and won’t be judged for their mistakes or shortcomings.

Encourage and support each other in personal growth

Emotional safety requires a willingness to go inward.

The better we know ourselves, understand our triggers, and learn how to effectively cope, the more we are going to be able to hold space for our partner to be who they are, express issues as they arise, and feel comfortable sharing their experiences.

Acceptance of ourselves and each other just as we are is critical to emotional safety, as it’s hard to create the space for change when we come from a place of criticism and judgment.

Of course humans aren’t perfect, so we won’t do any of these things perfectly. All we can do is to try our best and remember that we are capable of growing in who we are and in our relationship if we try.

Relationship Hack: How to Prevent Growing Apart from Your Partner

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 23:54:10 GMT

Have you ever felt disconnected from your partner? Have you ever thought, My partner isn’t the person she used to be? Or maybe you’ve wondered, How did we get here? We used to be so close?

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone.

As both an individual and couples therapist, I frequently hear “we’ve grown apart” from clients who are describing the unfortunate state of their relationship.

While common, growing apart doesn’t have to be inevitable in your relationship . Every day you make choices about how to act towards your partner, and these micro-choices are actually determining the trajectory of your relationship.

Of course everyone has bad days, and no one is expected to be loving all the time. But the more frequent rejections and dismissals become, the more likely it is that a couple will eventually say, “we’ve grown apart.”

Like a garden, relationships don’t tend themselves. They need proactive care in order to thrive. So how do you keep things fresh and blooming?

Here are 6 things you can start doing today to help you and your partner from growing apart.

Address conflict head-on

Conflict resolution is an essential component of a healthy relationship. If conflict isn’t addressed and resolved, resentment will build and lead to emotional distance.

Like growing apart, resentment doesn’t appear overnight. It’s a slow and steady process. When wounds aren’t healed, when hurtful behaviors aren’t changed, and when feelings are consistently dismissed, resentment creeps in and naturally distance develops in the relationship.

For some, addressing conflict is difficult. It requires emotional safety within the relationship as well as vulnerability and the courage to bring up issues. And, of course, the tools for how to navigate these difficult conversations which you may not have learned growing up.

It might help to remember this phrase: conflict leads to connection. When you and your partner face your issues and overcome them together, you’ll likely find that you’re closer and more connected than you were before.

How to do the work : Start by recognizing if there are specific topics that are difficult for you to talk about. Then explore what emotions come up for you regarding those topics. Is the challenge in not knowing how to share how your feelings or perspective, or is it more about how your partner responds when you share how you feel?

Respond to your partner’s bids

A bid is when your partner reaches out to you in some way, either emotionally or physically.

While certain gestures, like a hug, rubbing your back, or saying ‘I love you’ might seem small and insignificant, they’re actually really meaningful. These behaviors are attempts at connection, and when rejected, they can, in time, deter a partner from making future bids.

Think, for a moment, how you’ve felt when someone you love has denied your loving gesture. Did it make you want to do it again? Probably not, at least not very soon. Because it hurts. When we’re rejected, we feel hurt, and by nature we want to protect ourselves from more hurt.

And the opposite is true. A loving gesture has the power to heal, restore, and grow a relationship.

How to do the work : Take notice of opportunities to give a bid to your partner and watch for bids from your partner. How does your partner respond to your bids, and how do you respond to your partner’s bids?

Show love in the way your partner best receives it

Chances are, you’ve heard of the 5 love languages — acts of service, physical touch, quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation. Maybe you even know what your love language is. (If you haven’t identified yours, you can take the quiz here.)

Often times we give love in the way that we want to receive it. For example, if you crave physical touch from your partner, you are likely to give affection to them. But if this isn’t your partner’s love language, you might be surprised when he says that he doesn’t feel loved by you.

It’s important to recognize that it might take effort for you to adjust your loving gestures to what your partner wants rather than what you want from your partner. (Unless you’re one of the lucky ones where your love language is the same as your partner’s.)

How to do the work : First, take the love languages quiz and have your partner do the same. Then discuss the results together and provide specific examples of how your partner can show you love in the way you desire.

Practice gratitude

Not only does gratitude have proven mental health benefits, but it’s also relationship gold. Studies have shown that couples who express gratitude to each other are more likely to stay together long-term and more likely to be responsive to each other’s needs.

Gratitude activates the pleasure center of the brain and releases dopamine, which is otherwise known as the “feel good” hormone. So when we express gratitude for our partner, this increases the positive feelings within the relationship.

When we feel appreciated, we are also more likely to take negative feedback or requests to change from our partner.

How to do the work : Pay attention to the ways in which your partner contributes to the relationship, even in ways that you would consider “expected” or “givens.” Give praise or appreciation for those behaviors and see how your partner responds.

Recognize that your partner will change

Humans are meant to grow and change, and as we go through different life stages and gain new experiences, our perspectives, outlooks, and priorities may shift or even change completely. This is normal.

However, as you and your partner both change, this may cause some friction. You may have liked who your partner was before and may struggle with the ways in which your partner is changing. This is normal as well.

Change is difficult for all of us. But the more that we accept that we are meant to grow and change, the more we’ll be ready to do the work to adjust and adapt as change comes.

How to do the work : Communicate often about you are changing and the ways in which your partner is changing. Ask questions to understand. Share the impact of your partner’s change. Encourage them to grow in the ways that they seek.

Go to therapy.

For some couples, therapy feels like a last resort. They see it as their only hope to save their relationship. But in actuality there are no rules for when an individual or couple should go to therapy. No issue is too small to say, “I think I want to talk to someone about this.”

Pre-marital counseling is an example of when a couple might go to therapy simply to give them a dedicated space to gain tools to stay connected and feel more equipped to work through the hard stuff together. It can also help them flesh out the strengths and areas of grow in their relationship.

Therapy is also a great place to check in on the pulse of your relationship. Some couples like to schedule periodic “wellness checks” where they meet with a therapist regardless of whether or not there’s a current issue to discuss. It’s a way for them to pause and reflect on the relationship that many couples struggle to make the time for outside of therapy room.

Growing apart is a slow process. If you think about how weeds show up in a garden, they don’t appear overnight. They grow, little by little, day by day. It’s the same in a relationship. Micro-moments matter. Whether you’re turning toward or away from your partner, these small choices can lead you closer to each other or be a step toward one day saying, “We’ve grown apart.” The choice is yours.

Just Got Ghosted? How to Cope

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 20:04:22 GMT

You’d gone on a few dates. You had fun. You laughed. You felt seen and heard. You had a connection. You just…”got” each other.

But then, one day, maybe you send a text and hours go by and then days go by and eventually you have no choice but to accept that…you got ghosted.

I’m just gonna drop this right here: Ghosting HURTS.

There’s no way around it. Unless you are numb to all feelings (which I don’t recommend), ghosting hurts everyone.

It’s not that your friend is tougher than you are if they claim that they “don’t care” that they got ghosted because “whatever, he wasn’t actually that cool anyway.” If you’ve heard this, you’ve been lied to.

So, how to deal. How do you cope with being ghosted, because, let’s be real, this kinda thing happens way too often and it’s so tough to know how to work through the feels.

Here are my top 4 coping strategies.

#1 Normalize the hurt.

I’ve already said it, but here it is again: Ghosting is painful and it hurts.

Normalize it. That looks like saying to yourself, “I feel really confused and angry. It makes sense that I would feel this way because I deserved to know why.”

Normalizing the hurt makes space for it. It allows it to be there. Because, news flash, the pain is there anyway, even if you try to ignore or push it away. Feeling it helps you to move through it faster because you’re accepting it versus shaming yourself for feeling upset.

When you shame yourself for feeling upset, that only increases your distress and keeps you in rumination-mode a lot longer.

So, do yourself a favor, and just let it be okay for you to feel upset.

#2 Stop blaming yourself.

Ghosting is not a you problem, it’s a them problem.

Repeat, and repeat again.

It’s human nature to be hard on yourself and blame yourself. It’s easier to wonder “what did I do?” than to believe “it must be something on their end.”

But the reality is that you didn’t do anything to deserve being ghosted. It’s THEIR issue.

Often times, for the ghoster, it feels easier to ghost than to send the text saying, “Hey, I had fun with you, but I just wasn’t feeling a connection. Wish you the best.”

It’s a cop-out, absolutely, but it feels easier for them to do it. They may feel bad about it, but not enough to push through the discomfort they feel in having to “reject” you. They might even be afraid of your response (even though I know you’d reply with grace and class) or getting into a texting back-and-forth. It’s too much for them to handle, for whatever reason, so they push aside how it might make you feel and just do what feels best for them.

THAT SUCKS.

But again, that’s a THEM problem, NOT a YOU problem.

#3 Remember your inherent worthiness.

Getting ghosted doesn’t have anything to do with your worthiness. You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness no matter what. You didn’t deserve to be ghosted and it doesn’t say anything about your ability to be loved.

Repeat and repeat again: I am inherently worthy of love. I don’t have to do anything to earn or deserve my worthiness. Just by being human means that I am worthy of love.

#4 Take breaks as needed.

Dating is TOUGH. It’s exhausting, time-consuming, and often really disappointing. There are lots of bad dates and those bad dates sometimes don’t feel worth it for the chance of a halfway decent date.

It’s okay to take a break from dating. It’s okay to delete the app. It’s okay to tell a friend who’s encouraging you to “get back out there” that you just need some time.

You are always in control of your decisions in your life, and it’s your choice alone to figure out what you have the capacity for. You know what’s best for you, always.

Final reminder: Taking these steps doesn’t take away the hurt, but it will help you to move through your feelings and cope with them. Because the only way to deal with the hard stuff in life is to go through it. You’ve got this!

Feeling Overwhelmed? 4 Therapist-Backed Steps to Stop an Anxiety Spiral

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 19:59:50 GMT

Picture this: You’re making a turkey sandwich for lunch and suddenly your mind is back in a work meeting you just had. Your manager was on the call and made what felt like a passive aggressive comment about how you cut out work early last week.

You hadn’t shared the “why” behind your early departure because you were taking your mom to cancer treatment and you weren’t about to open that pandora’s box and tell your manager about it.

Now, as you’re making your sandwich, you are overwhelmed by so.much.anger towards your manager and rapid-fire thoughts about how many times you’ve left work early (not many), if you ever gave a reason (maybe once or twice?), whether those reasons were legit (they seemed to you like they were at the time), if you were reasonable in your requests (ditto), and what would ever prompt your manager to make this comment???

Are you really THAT bad of an employee? Does no one else ever take days off or leave work early? Can’t your manager be more understanding? Will you get written up or fired over this? Is your manager going to be *really* watching you now?

Before you know it, you are a hundred thoughts in and officially at the bottom of the rabbit hole. It’s a stressful place to be in and one that you probably wish you could jump out of and onto safer ground ASAP.

SO, what do you do? How do you stop the rapid-fire train of thoughts that seem to be holding you hostage??!

Here are 4 steps to take to stop that rabbit hole deep dive and get you back to your calm and collected self.

Note: We ALL have these moments and experiences, so you are absolutely NOT alone in going down the rabbit hole. No one, I repeat no one, is calm and collected all the time.

#1 Notice the rabbit hole.

Often times, we are deep down in the rabbit hole before we even realize that we have started to fall down it. The act of catching yourself in the anxiety spiral is a mindfulness. Another way of putting it, mindfulness is the awareness of what’s happening in the present.

Now, how do you do this? Practice, practice, practice.

It’s not an overnight process, but the awareness really comes from practicing catching yourself mid-spiral and saying WAIT, HOLD UP.

#2 Soothe your body.

When you feel anxious, your body goes into fight or flight mode. It’s all charged up and you may feel rapid heart rate, sweating, or jittery (just to name a few).

When the body is revved up, you can’t think clearly. Now is NOT the time to reason with yourself and try to talk yourself out of the lies you’re telling yourself about your work ethic.

Now is the time to get your body back to baseline.

How to do that? There are many ways. Take deep breaths. Get outside for a walk. Take a shower. Get some sun on your face.

Listen to your favorite song. Dance. Exercise.

Any of these things can be a reset for the body and get you out of fight or flight mode.

#3 Create a plan for when those thoughts come up next time.

This is called “coping ahead.” It’s like when you prepare for a big work meeting ahead of time. This is the same thing, but for your anxiety-spirals.

We all feel less scared and overwhelmed when we have a plan. Planning reduces the fear and overwhelm in these situations.

So what would this plan look like?

Step 1: Catch yourself as soon as you can when the thoughts start to creep up. Refer back to #1.

Step 2: Know your go-to coping strategies, aka what’s worked for you from #2?

Step 3: Label and validate your feelings. That looks like saying, “I feel really frustrated with my manager right now. I feel unheard by her and angry that it seemed like was judging me. It makes sense that I would feel this way because she is making assumptions about me, my life, and my work ethic. It feels unfair because it IS unfair.

Step 4: Move on to #4 on this post.

#4 Identify how you can feel empowered and in control.

At the root of anxiety is often fear. Fear of things that we can’t control. Fear of what will happen next. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something bad happening. Fear of not being able to handle what might happen.

This is a biological response to protect you from real, physical danger.

Unfortunately, it also alerts you to situations where you might not be in physical danger, but could lead to an outcome that might be unpleasant. And your mind and body don’t want that! Their goal is to keep you safe, but that leads to over-identifying danger. The mind and body are constantly scanning for threats, sending up flares left and right.

If you pay attention to every flare sent off, YOU WILL BE EXHAUSTED.

The trick is to get comfortable with the alarm going off and then being able to say, wait a minute, is this something that I need to respond to or is my body over-identifying danger?

Then, identify and focus on what’s in your control. Where can you find and lean into your power in a situation?

Take the work example: Feeling empowered to you might mean that you address the comment with your manager. Or feeling empowered might feel like talking about the situation with a trusted co-worker. Or feeling empowered might look like updating your resume in case you want or need to make a job change.

YOU get to choose what makes YOU feel empowered.

Making a decision for how to take action will support ending the rumination because fear is not running the show anymore. You’ve created a game plan for how to handle it which in turn creates a sense of safety and security in a situation which originally felt uncertain and confusing.

Reminder: anxiety is part of the human experience. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling anxious. We ALL do at times. But you also have the power to take control of your perspective, mindset, circumstances, and actions. In most situations, we can’t change all of these things, so the key is identifying where you CAN take control and how you can FEEL empowered.

And then, practice again and again!

How to Prepare for Life After College Graduation

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 19:56:26 GMT

College graduation is approaching!! You did it! You may feel so proud of yourself (as you should) AND you may feel completely overwhelmed by the thought of WHAT.COMES.NEXT.

It’s a lot, right?

It’s a freakin’ lot to think about what the “real world” will look like after leaving the cocoon of college. Whether you had the best time ever or felt it was a struggle, it’s common to feel a sense of safety in college and the transition to full-time work can feel daunting.

So, how can you prepare? What can you do now to get ready for the next steps?

Whether you have your first job on lock, are still searching, or applying to grad school, check out my top 5 tips for how to prep for graduation and enter the next chapter of your life.

#1 Normalize the struggle.

Change is hard. Say it with me: Change is hard. Most of us struggle with change of any kind, and graduating college and figuring out next steps is a HUGE change.

It’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel confused. These feelings are totally normal.

This is a great starting point. Normalize those feelings which looks like saying, “I feel scared. It makes sense that I feel this way because everything is new and I don’t even have a clue if I’ll like this job that I’m starting 6 days after graduation.” AHHH.

Repeat and repeat again. This feels hard because it IS hard.

#2 Let go of the need to have everything figured out.

News flash: No one has IT ALL figured out. We’re all just figuring it out as we go.

Story time: I went to college at UCSD, graduated with a degree in Psychology. I didn’t love a lot of my classes and felt like psychology wasn’t what I thought it would be. So I pivoted after college, worked for my parents’ financial planning company, then applied to LAW SCHOOL. Whyyyy? I had no clue. I just did it.

I went to law school, graduated, passed the bar, and then hunted for a job. I wound up in Securities Litigation was as boring as it sounds. I did it for three years before throwing in the towel and deciding I was going to follow my passion for writing.

I wrote several novels in the next couple of years, went through the worst break-up of my life (seriously, it was so awful), and then booked a one-way ticket to Bali (highly recommend, btw). I was there for several months and then came home, confused as ever about what was next. Keep in mind: I was 30 years old at this point.

I spent the next year continuing to write, almost landing an agent for one of my manuscripts but falling just short. I also applied to, no joke, about 100 jobs, trying to figure out a way to make money while also continuing to write. When nothing panned out, I decided to pivot again and set aside my interest in writing novels full-time.

After lots of reflection, I applied to ONE graduate school for Marriage and Family Therapy and was accepted. All signs pointed that I should go. I wavered, cried, and freaked out to my mom right before paying the tuition.

Years later, here I am, with my own therapy practice that I love. Wow, what a journey, and no, I still don’t have it all figured out – whatever IT ALL is.

I tell you this so that you understand that I get it. Life is not linear, and you don’t have to know exactly where you’ll end up post-graduation. Maybe you’ll end up in the field that you majored in in college or maybe you’ll do something very different.

The point is that you don’t have to know exactly where you’ll end up, you just have to make a decision and take a step forward. Almost no step you take is final. You can ALWAYS pivot.

#3 Find your people who get it.

Some of your college friends might seem like they have their plan alllll laid out. That’s great for them. But it also might make you feel like something is wrong with you because you don’t know what’s next or you may be unsure if the next step is the “right” step.

Instead, spend time with the friends who get the struggle. They are going to be the one’s who make you feel seen and remind you that you are not alone in wondering and worrying about what’s coming next. They are the ones who will validate the struggle and reassure you that you’ll figure it out and they’re here for you in the meantime.

#4 Remind yourself that you probably know more than you think.

Even if it doesn’t seem like it, you actually know yourself really well. You know which classes you skipped because they were boring and which ones you were excited to attend. You know if you like living close to or away from home. You know if you thrive in a structured setting or prefer having the autonomy to choose your own schedule. You know if you are a rule follower or a trailblazer.

This is data! This is valuable information for you to take with you ask you navigate what’s next. You actually know a lot about what you like and want and need. Now, that doesn’t mean you have all the answers to “what’s next” but it does mean that you have helpful information that can support you as you make decisions about what’s next.

#5 Your parents might have helpful guidance, but they are not you.

As you figure out what’s next, you might find yourself leaning on your parents for support and guidance. Parents can be incredible sounding boards and offer perspectives that you haven’t considered.

At the same time, keep in mind that your parents aren’t you, and they have different wants and goals for you, as well as they are bringing their own personal life experiences into their perspective (because how can they not? Those experiences made them who they are).

Try to balance advice from others (whether your parents or anyone else) with what YOU want and what YOUR goals are. It’s great and actually really helpful to have people you trust as a sounding board, but not at the expense of making decisions for YOU.

This is YOUR life, and at the end of the day, it’s YOUR decision what comes next.

Cheers to your achievement and to your beautiful future that lies ahead!

We Just Broke Up – Now What?

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 19:52:47 GMT

The ending of a relationship is soooo incredibly hard. Whether it was your choice or not, grief often hits hard and it feels like a death.

So what do you do?

Curl up in bed and hide for months?

Bury yourself in work?

Pretend it didn’t happen and try to just “get over it?”

Any of these options might sound more appealing than thinking about the break-up. Ugh, it just hurts SO much.

It’s hard to know what will help and what will make it feel worse. So how in the world do you figure out which way is up and how to heal from one of the most painful events EVER?

I’ve got you. I’m here, holding your hand through the pain and offering up these 5 tips for how to cope with all the feels and start to work towards healing.

#1 Feel your Feelings

Hear me out: I know it’s so tough to actually let yourself feel the pain, but feeling them is the only way to the other side.

What that might like is this: Imagine yourself in the kitchen, making a quesadilla because that’s all you can manage. Your mind wanders to the recent vacation you and your ex took and suddenly you’re back there. Tears are streaming down your face and you just can’t understand why it happened, how it happened, and wondering “if I could just go back in time and do x differently, maybe I wouldn’t be here, crying, in so much pain right now.”

Stop. Pause. Take a breath. What emotion are you feel right now? Sadness? Anger? Frustration? Regret? Whatever it is, label it. I’m feeling sad and angry.

Good. Now validate these feelings. It makes sense that I feel this way because…

These two simple steps are helping you to process what you’re feeling and making space for the feelings that are coming up.

Remember: all feelings are valid. Always.

Also remember: this feels hard because it IS hard.

#2 Gather up your comfort resources.

A cozy blanket, your favorite snack, a good book, that TV show you love to binge watch, sunshine, a walk – whatever it is that under “normal” circumstances you’d find comforting, gather those! They may not feel very comforting right now because often when we are grieving, nothing feels good. Do it anyway!

Picture these things as your life raft, keeping you afloat during this difficult time. So much has changed with the break-up that as much as you are able to lean into the usual comforts, the more you’ll prevent downward slides to feeling worse as well as sustain your energy to keep moving forward.

#3 Connect with those who will honor your needs.

Connecting with other people can feel like the last thing you want to do. It’s sooo hard to muster up the energy to have a conversation about…anything. You may feel that all you can think about is the break-up, but it’s also the last thing you actually want to talk about…which leaves you with absolutely nothing to say to your friend.

Pro tip #1: Choose a friend who will let you talk about the break-up if you want or will take the reigns on convo topics so that you don’t have to do the heavy-lifting.

Pro tip #2: Plan for small increments of time, not marathon hang-outs. Be clear on the time frame with your friend and feel proud of yourself for making the effort to connect, for however long you are able.

#4 Focus on basic needs.

Fatigue is one of the most common side effects of grief, and it’s one that you might not expect. If all you have the energy for is to do the basics to take care of yourself, that is MORE THAN ENOUGH. YOU ARE DOING AMAZING.

This is not the time to be hard on yourself if you’ve stopped training for that marathon or if you are putting your pursuit of a promotion on hold. Grief is EXHAUSTING, so please be mindful of your capacity and understand that honoring your energy levels is essential to working through the grief.

#5 Be present.

Hahahahah. This might be you laughing at me. Often, when we are grieving, the mind is anything other than present. It’s consumed by replaying conversations and past situations with the person we lost. This is normal.

So what do I mean then by “be present”?

Try – and you may not feel like you’re very successful – but try to do things that bring you to the here and now.

For example, you decide to take a walk around the neighborhood. Look around you. Smell the flowers. Notice the people you pass. Say hello. During this time, your mind will inevitably wander, and that’s not only okay, but expected. When you notice that it’s wandered, bring it back to the present.

This is the other side of “feel your feelings.” The key components to processing grief is to feel the grief while also doing things that take you out of the grief. It’s a weaving in and out of process.

Finally, don’t hesitate to contact a therapist. It can be SO helpful to have designated time to talk about the break-up, gain additional tools for coping, and work through related issues as you feel ready and able to.

Along the healing road, don’t forget this: You are an incredible human who is worthy of love. This break-up does not define you, and you will get to the other side. It’s okay to take as long as you need to process this loss and you’re on no one’s time frame but your own. You do not have to “just get over it” and you don’t have to “look at the bright side.” Break-ups suck, and you are allowed to grieve in your own way and in your own time.

Natural Ways to Boost Fertility & Prepare Your Body for Pregnancy

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 19:32:15 GMT

Picture this: You and your partner decide you want to get pregnant.

You make an appointment with your OB and hope that they'll set you up with a thorough work-up and a game plan.

Instead, your OB gives you the "annual exam" and advises you to "stop taking/using birth control and give it a go."

Then they send you on your way, saying "Come back and see me if you're not pregnant within a year."

You leave the office thinking, "That's it? Isn't there anything I can be doing to prepare my body?"

You feel disempowered and helpless, wondering if and when you get pregnant is all just left up to chance.

Or maybe you leave the office thinking, "Well, this should be easy!"

But then, you don't get pregnant right away. Or, maybe you do, but miscarry a few weeks later, only to be told by your OB that "this is common, just try again."

In either case, you feel let down by the support and lack of direction from your OB.

This is understandable.

Most of us want to be able to take action where we want to see results. Unfortunately, many OBs' medical training didn't include ways to improve fertility, and they may or may not be up-to-date on the emerging research in this area.

If you're anything like me when I was thinking about getting pregnant, it felt beyond frustrating. So I dove into the research and came up with these 10 things which helped me to get pregnant when I wanted to.*

(Disclaimer: I'm not a physician, and of course, no one, not even an physician, can guarantee if and when a pregnancy will happen.)

#1 Give yourself 3 months to increase your egg quality before trying.

The reason to get started 3 months in advance is that this is a crucial time frame for egg quality to improve prior to being released during ovulation. If you're already trying to get pregnant, don't freak out, just start now.

--> Keep reading for ways to increase egg quality.

#2 If you are in a heterosexual relationship, get your male partner involved.

As you know, the egg isn't the only variable in creating a baby. It takes sperm too. While the majority of "getting pregnant" advice focuses on the woman, it only makes sense to consider the male - the sperm - as well.

And good news - it's possible to increase the quality of both the egg and the sperm. Better egg and sperm quality = better odds of getting pregnant when you want and staying pregnant.

#3 Get checked out by a Doctor.

Women: if you haven't already, get a PAP. A PAP can bring to light possible conditions that might interfere with getting pregnant such as endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome. If you learn that you do have either of those conditions, you can then start to be proactive about lifestyle changes and additional supplements to reduce any interference that these conditions might have on getting pregnant.

In addition to a PAP, ask for specific labs to be run. Most OBs don't offer to run specific tests; you have to ask for them.

Key tests to ask for: iron, vitamin D, AC1 (which looks at recent blood sugar levels), and B vitamins to be tested. That will help you to know if you need any additional supplementation in these areas and/or need to increase consumption of foods with these nutrients in them.

Men: get your sperm tested. These days you don't even have to do to the doctor's office but can get a sperm sample done at home and mail it in for your results.

#4 Start taking supplements - both of you.

For women, start taking a prenatal and CoQ10.

How to choose a prenatal: Most OBs say that any prenatal is fine as long as it as folic acid in it (which they all do). Folic acid is the synthetic form of the bioavailable nutrient, folate. Most people can convert folic acid into folate, but between 40-60% of the population have a genetic mutation called MTHFR which prevents them from converting folic acid into folate. If you have this mutation and aren't properly supplementing, you may end up deficient in folate which can negatively impact your baby's development and your health as well.

(For a more in depth explanation of folate versus folic acid, written by a registered dietician who specializes in prenatal nutrition, check out this article. )

Key ingredients to look for in a prenatal: Vitamin D, Choline (most do not have this), B vitamins including Methylfolate (instead of Folic Acid). I personally take Seeking Health. WeNatal is also a great option. WeNatal also includes iron which I like because it's not uncommon to be iron-deficient (even if not anemic).

Additionally, supplement with CoQ10. Coq10 is an antioxidant shown to improve egg quality. (For more on how CoQ10 works and dosage suggestions, I highly recommend this book. )

For men, start taking CoQ10 and a supplement with folate and other B vitamins in it. WeNatal is a supplement that includes all of this. One downside of the CoQ10 form in this supplement is that it is in the standard form which is ubiquinone, which is a form that isn't very soluble, so much of it is not absorbed. The other form is ubiquinol which is much more easily absorbed. The CoQ10 linked above is the ubiquinol form.

#5 Reduce your toxic load.

We all take in toxins. That's part of living in our modern world. But toxins can have a negative impact egg and sperm quality. The goods news is that there are several things we can do to reduce our toxic load. Check out my blog post on clear beauty and household products that I personally use and love.

Swap chemical cleaning and household products for cleaner versions. EWG.com is a great resource for finding a cleaner version of all of your typical products.
Swap your current make-up products for cleaner versions. Again, EWG.com is a good resource.
Swap plastic tupperware and bottles for glass containers and stainless steel bottles. Avoid take-out coffee cups as they are often lined with plastic which leach BPA and BPS. Use ceramic or cast iron skillets instead of teflon non-sticks.
Drink clean water. We love using a reverse osmosis system which my husband purchased on Amazon and installed himself. This is a great option if you're a homeowner. If you're not, you can opt for a countertop one.

(For more of the science behind the connection between toxins and fertility, check out this podcast episode. )

#6 Eat whole foods (both of you).

I highly recommend reading Lily Nichols' book, Real Food for Fertility. She has done an incredible amount of research on optimal foods for fertility and during pregnancy (see her previous book Real Food for Pregnancy ). The book is over 500 pages! She discusses key nutrients for fertility and foods that build a healthy baby and shares research-backed information on common fertility challenges. She also discusses nutrients that may be lacking if you follow a vegetarian or vegan diet. Finally, her co-author shares information on fertility awareness and things the male partner can do to optimize sperm quality. Her blog is also an amazing resource if you want to dive deeper into prenatal nutrition.

Pro tip #1: if your budget allows, prioritize grass-fed meats, wild-caught fish like salmon, organic and grass-fed dairy, and organic veggies and fruits. These are all extremely nutrient-dense foods which support fertility and help to build a healthy baby. If you are sensitive to dairy, try A2 dairy as it can be easier to digest. For cooking oils, use olive oil, avocado oil, grass-fed butter and ghee, coconut oil, and meat tallows.

Pro tip #2: Fat is your friend but make them nutrient-dense fats. Embrace full-fat dairy, meats, butter, avocado, and oils (see recommended oils above). Avoid trans fats and hydrogenated oils at all costs.

Two foods that are highly nutrient-dense and super important for creating a healthy baby: eggs and liver. If liver isn't already part of your diet and you are averse to trying it (it's a strong flavor!), you can start with a desiccated liver supplement.

The EWG puts out a list of the "clean 15" and "dirty dozen" which can help you decide which fruits and veggies to prioritize buying organic and which are okay to buy conventionally.

Foods/drinks to reduce or avoid as they increase inflammation: processed foods, sugary foods and drinks, alcohol, soy, gluten, and alcohol, and seed oils (the most common ones you'll see are canola oil and sunflower oil).

#7 Manage stress.

Easier said than done, I know. But, ask any parent and they'll tell you that after you have a child is not the ideal time to start diving into childhood trauma, work on marital issues, or figure out how to have more productive conversations with your manager at work. Of course anytime you need support is a good time to go to therapy, but if possible, tackling issues when you're not sleep-deprived and caring for a newborn is helpful.

Ways to manage stress:

check out the final three tips on this list.
start seeing a therapist and work through your "stuff." No guilt or shame in talking with a qualified profession - we all have our "stuff!"
make workday breaks non-negotiable.
set boundaries with work, friends, family, and yourself.

#8 Get sunshine every day.

As I mentioned above, vitamin D is a key nutrient for optimal egg and sperm quality as well as fetal development. Yes, you can supplement (and likely should to be at optimal levels), but you can also get it directly from the sun. Getting outside also has the added benefit of giving you a pause in your day.

#9 Move your body.

If you don't already have a regular exercise regimen, a simple 30 minute walk is a great place to start. Walking has amazing mental and physical health benefits, so don't be afraid to start there.

#10 Practice self-care and gratitude.

If you want to create a healthy baby, you want to have a calm and optimistic environment. Why? When you are stressed and not taking care of yourself, your body is in fight or flight mode. All systems are focusing on managing the stressors, not in putting in the extra effort to create and sustain new life.

So, taking care of yourself is a must.

Top tips for self-care:

morning meditation: If you're intimidated or turned off by meditation, try this one (it's what I personally do!). Especially in the baby-making stage of life, I love the future-orientated nature of it as well as the phase that focuses on gratitude.
plan your weekly self-care ahead of time and schedule it into your days. Scheduling it in really helps with follow-through.
get good sleep - 6-8 hours with research showing that 7 hours is ideal.
drink water throughout the day. I like to follow the "drink half your weight in ounces" principle as a guide for how much water I aim to drink throughout the day.
try not to obsess. It can be SO hard not to become getting-pregnant obsessed, but as much as possible, try to stay balanced and carve out time for things unrelated to getting pregnant.

Those are my top 10 tips! I know it's a lot to take in, and it may feel overwhelming. This guide is meant to give you lots of support so you can feel empowered, but feel free to implement these tips at your own pace. It's not all or nothing! Any change is a positive step and can increase your chances of conceiving when you want and sustaining a healthy pregnancy.

Best of luck on your journey!

(Darcie Brown Therapy is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.)

3 Practical Self-Care Tips for Busy Moms: Reclaim Your Time

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 19:15:36 GMT

No one has less time in their day than moms. Feedings, diaper changes, playtime, cleaning bottles, spit-ups, pumping, cleaning pump parts, tummy time, and the countless requests for snacks – and then there’s making dinner, doing the laundry, managing appointments, taking care of the house so it looks halfway decent – a mom’s list of things to do is endless. On top of that, moms, especially new moms, are so tired from the middle-of-the-night wake-ups that self-care is the farthest thing from their mind. Because who has time for that??

Whether you’re a new mom or years into motherhood, self-care might feel like a long-lost friend. You used to know her so well, but now you just can’t seem to connect with her. Yet, deep down, you miss her so desperately and imagine that the only way to get her back is to go on a solo vacation for a month the day your baby leaves for college.

It doesn’t have to be this way. While “me time” won’t look like it did when you were childfree, it can be part of your life, and – dare I say – your daily routine.

With these three tips, you’ll be able to start to shift your mindset and your actions to start to connect back to YOU. Because we all know that we can only be our best mom self when we have had time to recharge our own batteries.

View time as an abundant resource

A common refrain of motherhood is: there’s not enough time in the day.

This mindset sets you up for failure. If you believe that you can never get it all done, you’ll probably feel exhausted, frustrated, depressed, and anxious. You will feel like you’re on a never-ending treadmill of serving your baby and taking care of the household that you as an individual human will cease to exist.

You don’t want that. So shifting your mindset from there’s not enough time in the day to get it all done to there’s enough time for what’s important is a crucial first step.

This might be hard to wrap your head around at first, especially if you are self-motivated and a doer by nature. It will feel uncomfortable not to finish everything on your to-do list and you might even resist it at first.

But if you stick with it, you’ll start to see that the mindset alone allows you to believe that you have choices. That it’s possible to carve out time for yourself, even if you don’t know how you’ll do it yet.

Action Item: Start by just noticing your thoughts. Notice when these thoughts pop up: I’ll never get it all done or I don’t have time for myself or there aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all. This is mindfulness and takes practice to start to catch yourself in those thoughts. Then you can start to replace those thoughts with: I will make time for what’s most important to me.

Prioritize essential tasks

Once it feels more natural to use the abundance mindset throughout your day, then shift to using that mindset to your advantage. At the heart of the abundance mindset is the power of choice, something you may have felt like you gave up when you became a mom. But you didn’t. Sure, there are aspects of your day when you’re at the mercy of your baby or child, but not every single moment. Look for opportunities to reclaim your power of choice because it will feel sooooo good.

You’ll start to challenge whether that thing that you said had to get done today actually wasn’t a top priority. Sure, it’s important and it has to get done eventually, but does it have to be done right.this.minute?

Be ruthless in the giving up of your “me time” for something on your to-do list.

Create a ranked self-care list

Moms get really good at forgetting who they were before their child was born. It’s a skill that isn’t really serving us overall. Yes, we need to prioritize our child’s needs a lot of the time, but not all of the time. Sometimes we need to be reminded that our needs matter and in fact are essential to being the moms we want to be.

When you finally decide to carve out that time for yourself, you might have 15 minutes and end up trying to figure out how to spend those precious minutes because time for yourself feels so foreign.

So tip 3 is to create a list of ways to care for yourself and then organize them. You can organize based on time or on importance to you. Personally, I always choose exercise during my son’s first nap of the day because it means that I get that workout in and I am a better person and mom when I’ve moved my body. For you it could be something different, and that’s okay.

Motherhood marks a dramatic shift in how the days flow and how much time we have for ourselves. I hear you saying: Darcie, it feels impossible to do this. My reply: I know it does, and I also know that you not only deserve it but you need it.

You are worthy of still being you in the beautiful ride of motherhood. Your child will benefit from a mother who cares for herself not only because of the person you will show up as but also in modeling the importance of self-care.

Say it with me: You’ve got this, mama.

Marriage After Baby: 5 Tips to Stay Connected

Sat, 10 Oct 2020 22:34:32 GMT

If you thought being in a relationship was hard before kids…WOW, it’s next level after a baby arrives*.

Being a new parent is HARD. It’s intense, overwhelming, overstimulating, and just sooo exhausting! The work truly never ends, and there are always pending items on the to-do list.

So where does that leave you and your relationship? How you make time for each other? How do you remain connected? How do you continue to love and support each other when your time together is so limited, and you’re just so tired???

It’s not easy – let’s normalize that. BUT, if you’re reading this, most likely it’s also really important to you. To make it happen requires intentional actions to keep the magic alive.

Check out these 5 tips to support staying connected with your partner after baby’s arrival.

1) Acknowledge the change.

It is VERY common for marital satisfaction to decrease initially after having a child. In fact, Research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman shows that nearly 2/3 of couples experience a decline in marital satisfaction after their baby is born.

So if this is you, you’re definitely not alone.

Becoming a parent is a HUGE life change and inherently impacts a couple’s relationship. Simply put, you just have less time for each other and you may, at least initially, have to prioritize your child’s needs above your relationship.

THIS IS NORMAL. REPEAT. THIS IS NORMAL.

Acknowledging that your relationship will change, to some degree, can help to support having realistic expectations. It’s a lot easier to adjust to a change when you expect it and can mentally prepare for it.

Then, when you experience that shift, simply acknowledge that this is part of the adjustment to parenthood and that it makes sense that there would be a period of time where staying connected is harder and frankly just doesn’t feel the same as it did before baby.

2) Communicate your needs

Relational roles shift after the arrival of a baby. They just do. You and your partner might have divvied up the household responsibilities in a way that made sense for the two of you as a couple, but those duties will likely have to shift to some degree after your baby arrives.

In order to best support this adjustment, it’s vital to communicate your needs and explore the changes in roles. If you are currently expecting a child, it can be really helpful to talk through the anticipated shift in responsibilities ahead of time to reduce the stress of trying to figure them out after the baby has arrived.

Of course, adjustments to roles will likely happen after the baby arrives as well. You might anticipate certain needs or duties which may end up looking quite different as you live out the experience. That’s entirely expected and okay.

3) Utilize little moments of connection

Micro-moments of connection can be very helpful as you adjust to spending less time together. Pre-parenthood, most couples are used to spending a lot of time together but struggle to figure out how connection can still feel like a priority after a baby joins their family.

Little moments may initially seem insignificant but they can actually make a huge difference. These things include acts of service like getting a glass of water or taking care of the dishes without being asked. It can also look like a hug, kiss, or touch as you pass by, or a kind comment like, “You’re doing a great job” or “I appreciate you.”

The little things can literally be a life raft, sustaining you and your partner as you adjust to less quality time together.

4) Plan in dates/intimacy and stick with it

While you and your partner may have once been guided by spontaneity, you might now benefit from scheduled time together. Not only does getting away from your baby require planning some sort of childcare, putting a date/time/place/activity on the calendar also makes it much more likely that it’ll actually happen.

These are the times when you are able to prioritize the relationship. As much as possible, leave the baby stuff at home and focus on the things that you two connect on aside from your child. Of course it might be hard not to talk about the baby at all, but be mindful of where the conversation is going and try to prioritize connecting in some of the ways that you enjoyed pre-baby.

Some couples also find it helpful to schedule physical intimacy. While it can feel unromantic to some, others finds it helpful not only to ensure that it happens but also to have that time together as something to look forward to and get into the right mindset for.

5) Take time for yourself

Being able to show up in your marriage starts with showing up for yourself. It’s really hard to be able to be the partner that you want to be if you aren’t taking care of yourself. This doesn’t mean that you will be doing your pre-baby self-care routine, but it does mean that you are doing things to fill up your individual cup so that you have energy to give your relationship.

This reminder is meant especially for you parents who feel guilty taking time for yourself. It’s needed and necessary for you to thrive and also for your relationship to thrive.

Becoming a parent is life-changing. It’s wonderful in so many ways, but it can also present some challenges, especially when it comes to connecting with your partner. The key to staying connected is to be intentional in your actions and remember that it might not come as naturally as it did pre-baby, and that’s okay. You and your partner are capable of creating a new rhythm in your relationship that reflects this current life stage.

*This blog is meant to be inclusive of ALL new parents, regardless of how you became a parent, whether through giving birth, adoption, or surrogacy. All information can also be applied to couples who adopt older children.